Don't Let the Worry Kill You: Having a loved one in prison ain't easy.
No matter their crime or the length of their sentence, inmates remain our children, siblings, spouses, or relatives.
We know their personal histories, problems, and weaknesses. We acknowledge their wrongdoing (as well as the pain of their victims, if any). However, society and the correctional system often deem them lost causes, so we are forced to become their supporters and advocates.
Mostly, however, we struggle with our emotions—from depression to guilt, from sadness to anger.
For the sake of our mental and physical well-being, we cannot allow these emotions to hold us hostage.
Here are some self-care tips:
Acknowledge and respect your emotions—anxiety, fear, frustration, or helplessness. These feelings are inevitable; however, do not let them dominate your life.
Find a group--online or in your city--that provides support and resources (e.g. bail assistance) for families. (see below)
Do fun things without giving in to guilt or depression because a loved one cannot be with you.
Spend only as much as you can afford on clothes or other items for an inmate. Do not saddle yourself with debt or regret if you cannot give as much as you would like.
Give up the notion that you can make incarceration easier for your loved one. Your role is to provide support and encouragement.
Share responsibility with others for visiting, sending packages, and accepting collect calls.
When you cannot visit, write as often as possible. Inmates who have regular contact with their families, spouses, or friends are less likely to get depressed or into confrontations with other inmates or prison officials.
Know the rules of a facility, so you do not waste money sending packages or items that are not allowed.
As the mother of a deceased inmate and the grandmother of three young men who have spent time in prison, I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed by a loved one’s incarceration.
During the 16 years that my son was in prison, I suffered in silence and did not know where to turn for help for my son or myself.
I know better now; there are countless local, state, and national organizations that assist families of inmates.
Do not suffer in isolation or silence; you are not alone.
SOME RESOURCES
Support Groups: Mothers of Incarcerated Sons Society, Loved Ones of Prisoners (LOOP), Prison Fellowship, Friends and Families of Incarcerated Persons, Inc. (NV), Prison Talk (online only) and The National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated.
Books: Doing Time Together: Love and Family in the Shadow of Prison by Megan Comfort; Family Arrested: How to Survive the Incarceration of a Loved One by Anne Edenfield; Help! My Loved One is In Prison by Louis N. Jones and Laverne E. Brewster;The Definition of Insanity: Coping with a Child’s Mental Illness by Rhonda J. Robinson; Serving Time, Too: A Memoir of My Son’s Prison Years by Rosalind Boone Williams; and Mother of a Prisoner: Memoir by Geraldine Murrell-Godfrey.
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